This is something I am sure we have all experienced in our lives and probably we will in the future.
Some think that if they got rid of all the negativity in their lives everything would be perfect. Do you agree? Is it even possible to be free from all negativity?
How many of you have had a great day at work or in your business and then you come home, talk to your partner or children and the negativity seems to come flooding toward you? You get a lot of flack or objections to actions, statements, points of view, etc that seem extreme and unwarranted.
Why does that happen? This is a question I will answer for you later, after we clarify where the negativity comes from. Why it is a habit that is difficult to break and how to deal with it in the future to our benefit?
Let’s first look at where negativity comes from
Well, we have to realise there is no escaping negativity because it has always been with us, or has it. Negativity is part of our conditioning as children, and due to this has become a habit. What do I mean by this? Well, I, like you, have grown up with being told “don’t do that” or “you can’t do that” or similar things. I heard this lots more often than positive things like “congratulations” or “well done” or "How could you do it differently next time?" or "What would happen if you didn't do it that way next time?" and of things we can or could do. So now can you see negativity this becomes a habit and is therefore not a natural part of human nature, we are not born with it. So if we go back to our true nature and true selves are we positive? A question we will discuss later.
Why is negativity a hard habit to break?
Negativity is part of our programmed or conditioned thinking, which becomes part of the subconscious that rules us. This programming continues throughout our lives because we are a herd mentality; people like to conform to fit with what most others are doing. If we do something different it makes the rest of the herd feel uncomfortable, alone and abandoned. So they encourage us, with negativity, to push us conform and not move outside the herd comfort zone, not to do things differently. Some parents are particularly good at encouraging with negativity, because they want to protect their children from the dangers of the world. Negativity is like any other habit that we have gained from a very young age – like stepping forward with the left foot first rather than the right, saying a word a particular way, etc; it can be very difficult to change and this is no different.
So why do you get a hard time when you get home in a great mood, this is to ground you and provide balance.
How to deal with negativity?
As parents it can be challenging to allow our children to make their own mistakes and successes, particularly if we have had bad experiences ourselves or have been brought up with the negative consequences approach. We need to remember that our children are not us, they have not had all the cumulative experiences we had to the same point, therefore they don’t see or feel things in the same way we did at their age or do now. We need to also trust that we have taught them well and they have enough intelligence and initiative to work things through on their own.
But greater than that, we need to trust in ourselves and the Universe, God or whatever you choose to call it.
Everything happens in balance. How boring and mundane would it be if there was no negatives to deal with? How would we know what is good or great? We would have nothing to compare our good experiences too.
Wallace D Wattles wrote in his book “The Science of Getting Rich” that the hardest activity for a human is to think the truth regardless of appearances. The truth really is that each one of has unlimited boundless potential - money, health, happiness and love are unlimited. What we do is create limitation by looking at our past circumstances and conditions or that of someone else.
So a few quick things you can do:
1. Do the opposite to what you are currently doing – that is if you are sitting, get up and walk around for 8 minutes at least; if you are walking sit quietly on your own and relax for at least 8 minutes.
2. Get a vivid picture in your mind about how you want things to be, make it emotional – add colour, sounds and smells.
3. Listen to your affirmations or some relaxing music
I want to tell you a quick story about why some things are negative and how we can change our perspective. This occurs through a technique of Equilibration, which I now offer my clients the benefit of. This process is extremely powerful.
Growing up my father used to love spending time with us, but was never a great communicator and after my parents split up he became more distant. One day I phoned him to let him know when I was getting married and ask if he wanted to come over to participate in the plans. He did so and we began with the conversation with small talk, he never once asked about the wedding plans. So I eventually just explained to him what we had in mind and what I wanted – that I wanted him and my step father to walk me down the aisle. My father got extremely angry and said a lot of harsh things and wouldn’t listen to the reasons for my decision. Instead he said it would take the attention away from him. He subsequently vowed to never speak to me again. I was exceptionally angry and hurt at what had happened and had been said and his selfishness. He didn’t attend my wedding and we only spoke a few times in the following 6 years, and when I phoned him, then I’d have to ask questions to keep the conversation going, which often only yielded one word responses.
My mother, for a very long time, had been very defensive regarding my father and always made negative statements about him. I participated in the Equilibration Process® and found that amazing things started to happen. Immediately after this my mother was a lot more neutral about my father. About a week later my I phoned him to say ‘hi’ and I hardly said a word for the hour we were on the phone, he asked lots of questions about how I was going and was interested to hear the answers. We then got together for Fathers day. A few months later he came over for dinner for his birthday and kept saying we must go, but then kept talking until quite late. Since then he has been in much more frequent contact. He recently even visited my newborn son in hospital.
The Equilibration Process enabled me to see this relationship in a balanced perspective, from the heart, not from the head. I now understand that if my relationship with him had of been different I would not have become the person I am today, which has resulted from my relationship with him and subsequent experiences and relationships that are important to me. I would not be as close to my mother as I am, she is very important to me and I would not have met and had such a special relationship with my step father and would probably never have met my husband. For him if things had been different he would never have had a son and met his wife and have the life he now has.
So now you can see how very powerful this process is and how it has really moved me forward in a big leap – I now have peace.
So, if you only get one thing from this topic please take note of this - Everything is always in balance – there is always a flip side. Negativity encourages and challenges us to see or feel when there is good, to appreciate the good and because of this we can see the beauty and blessings in everything – this is your choice. The choice is to plan the good thoughts, when you have a thought you don’t want say ‘cancel that thought’ to yourself immediately and perhaps a little forcefully. Immediately replace it with a very positive image / thought, full of emotion that makes you feel really happy; be deliberate, perhaps choose the picture of your dreams coming true or the accomplishment of your next goal. Make an effort and take time to see the flip side.
It is when we see the balance and blessings that we truly live a powerful life where there is no negativity, just experiences, all of which empowers us to be in control and to be really affective in our own lives.