This is something I am sure we have all experienced in our lives and probably we will in the future.
Some think that if they got rid of all the negativity in their lives everything would be perfect. Do you agree? Is it even possible to be free from all negativity?
How many of you have had a great day at work or in your business and then you come home, talk to your partner or children and the negativity seems to come flooding toward you? You get a lot of flack or objections to actions, statements, points of view, etc that seem extreme and unwarranted.
Why does that happen? This is a question I will answer for you later, after we clarify where the negativity comes from. Why it is a habit that is difficult to break and how to deal with it in the future to our benefit?
Let’s first look at where negativity comes from
Well, we have to realise there is no escaping negativity because it has always been with us, or has it. Negativity is part of our conditioning as children, and due to this has become a habit. What do I mean by this? Well, I, like you, have grown up with being told “don’t do that” or “you can’t do that” or similar things. I heard this lots more often than positive things like “congratulations” or “well done” or "How could you do it differently next time?" or "What would happen if you didn't do it that way next time?" and of things we can or could do. So now can you see negativity this becomes a habit and is therefore not a natural part of human nature, we are not born with it. So if we go back to our true nature and true selves are we positive? A question we will discuss later.
Why is negativity a hard habit to break?
Negativity is part of our programmed or conditioned thinking, which becomes part of the subconscious that rules us. This programming continues throughout our lives because we are a herd mentality; people like to conform to fit with what most others are doing. If we do something different it makes the rest of the herd feel uncomfortable, alone and abandoned. So they encourage us, with negativity, to push us conform and not move outside the herd comfort zone, not to do things differently. Some parents are particularly good at encouraging with negativity, because they want to protect their children from the dangers of the world. Negativity is like any other habit that we have gained from a very young age – like stepping forward with the left foot first rather than the right, saying a word a particular way, etc; it can be very difficult to change and this is no different.
So why do you get a hard time when you get home in a great mood, this is to ground you and provide balance.
How to deal with negativity?
As parents it can be challenging to allow our children to make their own mistakes and successes, particularly if we have had bad experiences ourselves or have been brought up with the negative consequences approach. We need to remember that our children are not us, they have not had all the cumulative experiences we had to the same point, therefore they don’t see or feel things in the same way we did at their age or do now. We need to also trust that we have taught them well and they have enough intelligence and initiative to work things through on their own.But greater than that, we need to trust in ourselves and the Universe, God or whatever you choose to call it.Everything happens in balance. How boring and mundane would it be if there was no negatives to deal with? How would we know what is good or great? We would have nothing to compare our good experiences too.Wallace D Wattles wrote in his book “The Science of Getting Rich” that the hardest activity for a human is to think the truth regardless of appearances. The truth really is that each one of has unlimited boundless potential - money, health, happiness and love are unlimited. What we do is create limitation by looking at our past circumstances and conditions or that of someone else.So a few quick things you can do:1. Do the opposite to what you are currently doing – that is if you are sitting, get up and walk around for 8 minutes at least; if you are walking sit quietly on your own and relax for at least 8 minutes.2. G...
Most who have their own business find it easy to put all their spare time into the business. When you have a family too it becomes more of a juggling act.
Some have a misconception that work life balance means spending the same amount of time in your business as you do in the rest of your life. It is not that at all, it is about having time for the things highest on your values and to spend enough time in each that fills you up and gives you joy.
Many women today desire more life from life than our parents seemed to have. We begin to question ourselves in depth about that and what we are doing. Many are working in jobs or in their own business so we can have challenge outside our family and fulfill our life's purpose, as well as many other reasons.What we are really longing for is to be recognised and appreciated for our efforts , knowledge and experience. Is that enough though? When you get those feelings do you still question what you do, punish and criticise yourself and wonder if it is really enough? Will it ever be enough?
So what is really going on?
This often comes down to a few factors, such as low self esteem and low feelings of self worth. Or maybe you are taking on more than you need to so you can receive better feelings about yourself and show you are 'worth it'.
Most people these days have many activities and roles they commit to. Often there is too many and we eventually feel obligated in too many areas of our lives and for too many tasks – we spread ourselves too thin, sacrificing our inner health, physical and happiness. Are you doing this at the moment?
If so the actions below will help you lighten your plate so you don't spread yourself too thin.
For at least a week (preferably four) keep a detailed diary of how you are spending your time – each task and how long it takes. At the end of this time list the tasks you have done and how much time they have taken. You are likely to be surprised.
Now it is time to categorise the tasks you have undertaken and total the time spent in each category. Your categories may include – household, family, friends, career/work, business, creativity, fun, physical health, mental health, spiritual, socialising, love or personal time. For example, if you have spent 3 hours on housework that would be categorised as household.
Next make a list of all the things that are of value and important to you and rank them most important to least important. The most important are things that make you motivated, make your heart flutter and full of love or joy. For example – Family, helping others, business, honesty/integrity, love, health, etc,. Contact us if you would like free a copy of our worksheet to assist you with this.
Now it is time to categorise the tasks you have listed in Action 2 against the your ranked values from Action 3. To do this you must add up the time spent against for each of your valued areas (Action 3). This will highlight any areas of your life where you are not living your values. For example if you had household as taking 8 hours and that is not in your values list then you have a discrepancy. An example is if you have family as taking 36 hours, fun has been measured to have taken 42 hours of the month and these areas are highly ranked in your values, which is ranked higher, fun or family? Let’s say Family was ranked higher on your values than fun, you should note this and ask yourself why you spend so much time on your fun and not with your family.Differences like this raise the question “What do I need to change to live according to my values?”To answer this you can look at the tasks you do that take up time and are not high in your values. Can the family members work together to accomplish some of these tasks to share the load and assist each other to have more time to do things that are important to them, or is it time to get someone outside the family to do theses tasks. This often improves family relationship and the quality and enjoyment of life.
When in discussions with partners or friends, do you ever find your mind drifting off and thinking about irrelevant things, like the shopping list or something you forgot to do?
Well it maybe no surprise this happens to many people, especially when the topic is not important to you. I wonder how many times you do it at work or in business situations? It is probably more often than you are aware of. What affect does this have on your productivity or effectiveness? These are often consequences that we don't like to or often think about.
Some of the affects of not listening well:
You get the instructions incorrect
You don't understand others perspective and feelings well or at all